But.
I’ve heard enough first-hand stories from families with special needs about churches who have rejected them.
I’m not talking about stories like “well, they just weren’t sure what to do with us.”
No, I’m talking about conversations like the one I had with one of our moms after respite, when she, with tears in her eyes, told me, “We love the church. My dad is a pastor. But we don’t go to church anymore, because our last church asked us to leave.”
Please take a moment to process that before you move on. Take a moment to consider how you’d feel if you were asked to leave the church because of your eye color or skin tone or height or IQ or some other attribute you can’t control. This child wasn't aggressive or dangerous; they were asked to leave because the children's ministry leaders said his autism was too distracting.
If I were writing about a church that kicked out a family because their son was black, we’d be outraged. But sometimes when I share the stories I hear from the families we serve in Access, someone responds, “well, you can't really fault the church. They probably just didn’t know how to handle it.”
Maybe it’s because I’m dosed up on enough prednisone to work me into a bit more of a ranty state than usual (and to allow my asthmatic lungs to work), but let me tell you what I think of that sort of response: it’s baloney. When church leaders kick out kids who aren’t up to the general education expectations they are used to, they don’t need our excuses.
They do need grace. And repentance. And yes, training. And prayer.
When I see tweets like this one (related to this story)
three prayers come to mind:
Jesus, help this family.
Jesus, let this church learn from this situation, even if the facts being reported aren’t completely accurate.
Jesus, please come soon.
Amen.
Thanks, Shannon! This is EXACTLY why there is A Restoration Church in Pittsburgh! This very issue is a huge travesty, great shame and blight on the name of Jesus (Who spent most of His time on earth hanging with sp needs individuals and Who came to restore brokenness in every form!)!
ReplyDeleteBut we must not hide behind the church as an institution clicking our tongues and shaking our heads in Phariseeical disdain unless we personally are clear that this kind of rejection even secretly and silently is NOT
God's way and is hugely destructive of a person's heart - a person Jesus values, loves and died for!
What I find ironic is the efforts some congregations go to for outreach, yet ignore special needs, the biggest unchurched demographic in the USA.
ReplyDeleteMy story is that my son with autism was unable (due to sensory issues) attend worship at the main service. My wife and I offered to create an alternative. Recruit volunteers, write a curriculum, and purchase supplies. It would have been an alternative to kids who, for whatever reason (special needs, maturity, whatever) were not ready for “big church.” All we needed was approval and a room. It was denied.
We tried “big church” the next week…a complete disaster. After ten minutes, and fellow parishioners starring daggers at us, we left. I did not care about my son disrupting the service; if that is what they want, that is what they get. But I will not subject my wife or children to that.
After three years of attending almost every Sunday and Wednesday, working nursery and Sunday School, we walked out the front door of the only church we had attended since our move to that area. And never heard from a single person in the congregation or leadership. Until six months later when I was called to make my annual pledge (this was especially important to the church because they were well into a multi-million dollar renovation of the nursery and classrooms to “let the children come onto to me…” and the economy had tanked).
If it was not for my understanding of how critical a congregation is to Christianity, I would have become an “I do not need to go to church to be a Christian.”
Thankfully we were invited to attend church with my son’s former preschool teacher (who was head of education at the church and wife of the priest). Her take on it was “If we have to create a new class, extend the ages in a current class, or do anything else, we will do it.”
Now, here is the point of grace in all this. At our new church is a lady (mid-30s) who, due to some medical issues has a service dog (who is a welcome attendant at worship). The first time my son was to come in to “big church” (at mid-service) he refused. I went out to talk to him, assured him I would not force him to come in, and said “There is a dog at the communion rail right now. If you come in, you can see him.” So we went in, stood where she and the dog would walk by, and watched. And we took a seat. And never had a problem with “big church” again.
Both my sons have a special connection with this lady and her dog. Her medical issues came well into her adulthood, devastation that I can only imagine. I remind her that she and her service dog were a touch-point between God and a boy that others were willing to sacrifice on the altar of their own convenience. And my son? He insists that we sit in the front pew, on the side closest to the center aisle!
Thanks for sharing this, Greg. God can bring beauty from brokenness, can't He?
ReplyDeleteWe also have a service dog at our church, and it helps my four-year-old daughter to know that she gets to sit in Chloe's row if she comes to big church. :)
Shannon,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for this post. We have created here in Ct. a worship experience for those families who have been treated in such a way by churches. We feel it is one way back into a loving, caring community for families who have been so hurt that to take a chance again is extremely hard. I have heard from my work with many support groups here so many similar stories which just break my heart.... and I believe Christ's heart also. I am astounded by the lack of caring and love of some communities. Our goal is to educate and empower our parishes with our Rhythms of Grace worship to create communities through experience who understand and welcome our families with special needs as full, unique, and blessed members of their communities.